girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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