my mouth tastes like poor choices
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Two words: nipple clamps
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