Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
