I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize