i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
