you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
