Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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