Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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