You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
