how hairy? two words: wookie tits
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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