Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
