if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
