woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
