Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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