At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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