mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Umm I'm too high to move.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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