Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was like eating out sand paper
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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