I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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