why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
