i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
