Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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