i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
