Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize