All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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