Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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