Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
