Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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