I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
