You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
