By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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