it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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