You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
