Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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