my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
