you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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