I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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