The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize