walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
