You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
