apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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