1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
