So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize