yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
