she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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