She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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