why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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