When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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