She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sorry about my life...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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