wat bout pragnant strippers??
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
