I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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