I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
