I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize