things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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