I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
