I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am one with the molecules
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
