i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
