who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
