that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
