why didn't you poke me back
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
