The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize