We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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