That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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