Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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