dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
