she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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