chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
