i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
