who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
