Me too!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
