I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize