Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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