so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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