if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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