happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
