Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize