I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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