saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
