I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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