I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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