I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
