so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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