Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize