Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
