he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
