Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
