I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
