Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
