dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she looked like the before picture.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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