If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I want to be your penis for a week.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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