so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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