at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
