i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
