so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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