i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
