her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
