I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize