just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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