I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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