You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
