She is in my trunk
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
