I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had to cum in my sink.
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