yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Everything about him screamed your future.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
