she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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