Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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