I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
