Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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