mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
